War on Divorce

My wife does not want to make love. I love her but I believe sex is important. What can I do to avoid divorce?

I am not an addict but I need to have sex. I want to make love to my wife. She keeps on rejecting me for no apparent reason. She says she is just not in the mood. We still are very close. We spend a lot of time together. Everything is perfect except that we do not make love anymore. I have heard that some people just are uninterested in sex. Can you become uninterested in sex? How can I reignite the passion? Thank you!

Public Comments

1. Jeff, I think that you and your wife should talk. This is key. I have gone through it so I can relate to you. Beside communication, you may want to spice things up ... My husband and I tried this website (recommended by my best friend) ... It is highly Erotic, in its nicest meaning (nothing obscene!). When my husband and I tried some "games", it was like having a new partner. Like falling in Love all over again. We had still been in love but our relationship has since reached a new level. More completeness. We are still discovering new things ... So really, you may want to give this a try. Making Love to the person you Love ... What's better than that. Do not give up! http://www.fire-up-your-sex-life.com/ All the best! Misaki
2. Talk to her and find out why she isn't interested in sex. There could be a lack of sex drive on her side and may need to see her doctor.
3. Apparently you aren't very good at it. You need to find out what turns her on, and she needs to help you do that. A woman who has GREAT sex does not lose her desire for it.
4. Erotic novels may help She may be depressed Talk to her.. see what's going on with her. Maybe she will agree to make more of an effort.
5. i bet she just isn't ready to be pregnant, have her take birth control pills and you- wear a condom.
6. communicate this with her.
7. I cannot speak for men but I know as a woman I go through phases. Most of the time I am more than happy to but then there are times where I just don't feel like it, whether I just don't have the energy or I am not feeling well or maybe just a bad day, week , or month. Stress can also do that to people. I know it is frustrating because my husband is more like that and it can seem kinda selfish but you need to respect her and not force her. Maybe you can plan a romantic evening for the two of you and don't expect sex, if it happens great but if it doesn't she will see you are still in to her but don't want to push her.
8. Maybe she has a problem on her mind and that keeps her in that bad mood not wanting to have sex with you. Or maybe she is in love with someone else? (it's just a supposition). Talk open to her. If not this situation will definitely lead to a divorce. Good luck!
9. After you try everyone's suggestions which are good don't get me wrong, and she still rejects you and hurts you very badly like that, you tell her that if she can't love you in the way you want to be loved, you are going to find someone who can.
10. Maybe she's depressed.
11. Sex is important to the men because they have a stronger sex drive than most women, but us women believe that the most important thing in a marriage or even in a relationship is companionship and love not just sex...try romancing her or bringing her flowers home, maybe that will work more than just having sex....Most women want romance and just being cuddled with once in awhile...
12. She is your wife and doesnt have to be in the mood all ofthte time in order to have sex. She needs to take care of you.
13. We all need intimacy. Men generally find it through sex; women find it through communication. This is not shallow of men - it's just the way men are wired. This is not weird of women - it's the way they're wired. You need to go deep with your wife and start the caring, "feelings", nurturing kind of talking she wants and lay off the laying stuff. This is not about YOU! How do you reignite the passion? Find out what passion your wife wants. If it's not sex - find out what it is and provide that to her in abundance. (you'll get yours!)
14. Start off by cooking dinner have rose petals coming from the door when she walk in nice wine&music,then run her a nice warm bubble bath, give her a nice massage then you join her and reignite the passion.hope it works out for you.
15. Just don't have sex with her! If she does not want to make love then don't make her! Ask for it for your birthday or something like that!
16. talk to her ,if she isnt intrested in sex then why the hell did she marry my hubby isnt intrested in sex and i hate every time i want sex and he just act like he doesnt understand i want him
17. I think the first step is going to be finding the reason for your wife's lack of interest. Many times a waning libido, particularly in people who *did* enjoy sex, can be traced to a medical origin. Certain medications as well as certain medical issues can cause people to be unable to have sex, or to seemingly just lose interest in sex. Diabetes is one, cardiovascular problems another. Sometimes it is just a matter of improving blood flow, because there must be sufficient blood flow to the genitals for arousal to occur. Depression is another big cause of disinterest. For some people there are other mental and emotional causes also...traumatic events, for one. And of course, feeling bad about yourself can kill your sex drive in a hurry, so if she doesn't feel attractive, that could also be the problem. If it's medical, it should be relatively easy to find out. If she isn't currently taking any medications (including birth control, which can also cause a lack of libido in some women due to hormonal shifts), have her get a check up, and ask her to talk to her doctor about it. If there's a physical cause, the doctor should be able to figure it out. If you feel it is emotional or intellectual: Take your wife out for a nice evening, and talk to her. Tell her how much you love her, how sexy you think she is, how much you love making love to her. Then, ask her what you can do to help her regain her passion. Ask her if she has any fantasies she'd like to talk about, or even try. Reiterate that you think she's sexy and beautiful, and tell her you want her to want you too. Good luck. I hope you figure it out. It can be done, trust me.
18. Has your wife recently (in the past couple months) started taking any new medications? Especially for depression, or any new birth control? (My husband calls it sex control) These types of meds, especially birth control can have that effect on women. A lower libido and sex drive. If not, then you need to talk to her and have a deep discussion about this before it pushes you to a point of no return.
19. DO NOT be unfaithful. Do not let your heart become hard like the Jews in the New Testament. Focus on the relationship and not on having sex. That is easier said then done but its the only way. If your relationship started out with sex as the major bonding aspect before your marriage then this will be especially difficult. Sexual interest comes and goes, especially for women. People often project a false image to intice a potential spouse. For males that often is that they understand and want to discuss her feelings. For females that often takes the form of offering an unlimted lifetime sexual extravaganza. Both happen a lot and both have to be addressed successfully over the course of the marriage. Try talking to her about how you can both meet your needs, sexual and others, within the relationship. After marriage physical attractiveness eventually fades to various degrees. That does not mean there is no love and passion, only that it takes different more mature forms. Remember your committment of for better or worse.
20. Bring back the passion that you once had. Don't make it all about the sex.Tease her please her.
21. Jeff, you must try this ebook. 100 games to reignite the passion, as you put it yourself. It saved my marriage. Try it. If you are not satisfied, ask your money back. But I am pretty sure you will keep it and use and explore it again and again. This is what I have been doing since last december (and I am not a sex addict either!) ... Good luck and enjoy!
22. just divorce her, shes doesnt deserve u
23. She isn't feeling sexual chemistry with you and when this goes the whole freaking marriage starts to go too! Nothing can "make" this happen, chemistry is phermones (sp?). If she doesn't want to have sex she's not feeling chemistry, plain and simple!
24. Talk to her. There are many reasons why women might not want to have sex. She might be stressed and need to vent. She might be worried that she isnt attractive anymore. She might be insecure, tired or she might just want you to do something special. Try a hot bubble bath with candles and the lights off. Sit with her and talk to her about her day. Take a wash cloth and rub the soapy water on her body. Do this for her, it shoould relax her and maybe she'll feel loved and attractive enough to make love to you.... Make sure you are making love to her and not just having sex with her... Most importantly remember ladies first.... A woman who is consistantly satisfied always comes back for more.
25. You need to get into counseling, and you go with her. She's in a marriage and needs to grow up.
26. Take it from a man that's been married for over 10 years - short answer - if you don't have kids then leave her. Talk to her first make sure she understands your discontent. I personally believe that for men without some form of intimacy in the marriage it will eventually fail (intimacy = sex in whatever shape or form it takes place) . Even if she is not interested in sex - she can still take care of your needs. She will have to change with your encouragement and understanding. Note that she has to want to change - you cannot MAKE her change. If she doesn't at least try then I would question her devotion to you and your marriage. If you don't have kids PLEASE talk with her and resolve the issue before it's too late. The ONLY reason I am still with my wife is because of the kids. I guess she is oblivious to this (or pretends to be for the same reasons I do) - I strive to put up a good front for the kids so they won't know. I want the best for my kids and would lay down my life for them if needed to preserve theirs. However, inside I am dying and long for a loving mate. The price for my kids happiness is giving up my chance of finding true love. There was a time I would have done ANYTHING for my wife. I even moved away from MY family to another state to be closer to HER parents & sisers for HER happiness. I did this for her thinking it would make her want to be closer to me (my sacrifice would be for her happiness). She kept on the same course and without a change in her intimacy I just became "numb" in my martial life. I am there for her at this point but only for the kids sake (hopefully someday she'll come around, but at this point I doubt it). If any of this rings true and you could see this happening to you then I emplore you to leave her BEFORE children are involved. Good luck and God bless you.
27. I think you need to ask her why not, it may just be that she is on her period and does not want to tell you as it is embarrassing. If she just says she is not in the mood, be patient, for girls more than guys sex can be more emotional than physical. Cook her a romantic candle lit meal and then see how it goes...
28. women get stimulated by her mans wealth, as well has his pysique. if you think you ahve all that and you perform well on bed too, and she does not have any other problem - then could it be that she is loosing her libido ? worst case teh women could be cheating - although from your question it looks unlikely. But again you never know.
29. Fact is some women just are not into sex no matter what you do. Now SHE can look into HER problem and get some testing to see if anything physical is the problem. Next is her going to see a shrink and see what might be the problem in her head.
30. I'm going through this too, but it is my husband that does not want to make love. It's hard. Think of it as another road block to clear in marriage, and really try to clear it joyfully. Five minutes ago, I found the included link to an article that shed some light on the situation. It is written for a husband; however, I feel that nearly all issues of 'no desire' are unisex. www.womentodaymagazine.com/ relationships/husbandnosex.html Hope it helps. Don't forget to consistently pray for your wife and any issue that arises. He listens, He cares, He helps. May God bless you both as you solve this problem. You will.