War on Divorce

help. My husband filed divorce papers and I have nobody to give me advice. I need advice.?

forty y.o. together 20y, married 9y. No kids. Own a house equal share I am in it. California. I have some of my own income enough basically to feed myself but this is CA. He has a secret (he's making it secret) woman encouraged him to file the papers. I'm Christian (he's nonbeliever) so nobody gives me any divorce advice, just marriage advice but clearly this isn't helpful. Help What do I do?? Len -- right, I became Christian 4 y ago; he didn't like it.

Public Comments

1. Make an appointment with a lawyer if you haven't done so already. I don't see what being a christian has to do with anything. You say you've been together for 20 years, but married for only 9 years. Were you a virgin for those 11 years prior to marriage? If not, that doesn't sound christian to me.
2. Get yourself a lawyer because you are entitled to half of the house and any other properties and monies you have accumulated together. You should also make copies of any important documents from either yourself or his files, SS info, deeds, titles, cars, major purchases, receipts, etc... keep a file. Protect yourself, and make sure you stay healthy, keep eating, do your day to day stuff, and hang out with friends. :) You need a lawyer now more than a religious adviser.
3. Go to church and get involved!! Then, keep a close relationship with Jesus and ask him to send you someone right! DO IT RIGHT THIS TIME! God is allowing this for a reason, for you to be able to find that person you can pray together, have the same beliefs, and raise children the way God intended. This is a Gift from God, take it! Sell your half and part ways!
4. I am not sure what advise you need? Your husband soon to be ex has made all the decisions for you. You are getting divorce. So what is the question? At some point you will need an attorney but there is no rush at this point. Just chill and get yourself mentally stable. You said you have a job but did not say if it was FT or not. You will need a full time job that makes as much as you can. Other then that not much. Before you go to an attorney and spend money, ask your husband how he sees splitting the assets and any other money you can get. No need arguing just for arguing. Maybe he will give you a good deal without paying over-prices lawyers. It is always better to split on good terms.
5. The Christian religion does not look down on divorce, it is the Catholic religion that does not approve of divorce. Therefore, your religion has nothing to do with this. If your church is not supporting you then you need to find a new church that practices the true Christian religion. It sounds like he is the main bread winner of the household. If that is true, then you can ask for alimony. I did not ask for alimony because I am too independent. I know living in CA is expensive. However, if I can raise two kids with no child support and no state support on my own for the last 10 years in CA, then you should be able to support yourself in CA. You need to go get a lawyer and have the lawyer fees paid for by your husband since he is the one that is filing for the divorce. In addition, it sounds like he migt be having an affair, ahaa,, that makes it easier for you to get alimony and have the courts make him pay for your lawyer fees. Therefore, what do you do? Go get a lawyer!
6. Definitely consult with an attorney immediately. You need to be protected. DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT use the same attorney that you husband has. Been there, done that after 20 years of marriage.
7. You were what the Bible calls, "unequally yoked". The best advice I can give, since you state you are a Christian, is to pray about it. Although things happen that floors us, NOTHING catches God by surprise. He knew your husband was going to file for divorce before he did it himself. Talk to God and ask Him for guidance and peace in this situation. You are God's child, and in His Word He promises to take care of the needs of His children. Trust Him! God bless!!
8. Get a lawyer. Ask your divorced friends/coworkers/family who their lawyer was and if they recommend them, then make an appointment. Do not hesitate, don't wait and see, get a lawyer right now. Do NOT sign anything he gives you, don't agree to anything, try not to talk to him or see him and don't allow him into the house. Changing the locks might be a good idea, so nothing turns up missing. If he needs something, he can leave a message on the machine and you can put it in the garage for him or something. Don't talk to him until you have a lawyer. Once you have a lawyer who has reviewed the paperwork and formulated a game plan, then you and your lawyer can agree on how communication between the parties should proceed. I know that this is painful and confusing. I've been there. That is why you hire a good lawyer. The lawyer is there to look out for your rights at a time when things don't make much sense any more and you're not sure what or who to believe. Believe me. Get a lawyer.
9. I am a christian too and i have come to believe sometimes staying married when its bad can wreck your testimony. Pray and ask God to help and direct you. You can call around town offices or family court and see if you can get free legal services. I personally do not believe you should stay with an abusive, or cheating , husband. God doesn't like divorce but how many people get married that God possibly didnt pick for that person. you are always going to have christians and non judge and even more so once they hear of this. ignore them. those that matter don't mind, and those that mind dont matter. God bless.. he will take care of you.
10. get yourself a good lawyer and talk it over with them, they'll have lots of ideas of how you should go about this....and they'll be there for you each and every step of the way....I would also look into some financial help, as you said that you have income but basically just enough to feed yourself. Look into state benefits, like medical, dental, heath, and all of that stuff too....i wish you the best, let me know if you still need help!
11. If he wants out then theirs nothing you can do! You cant forse him to be with you if he doesnt want to, so I say, get everything you can! You wont be friends after the divorse so it wont pay to be nice. So get what is rightfully yours!
12. Sounds like you already have the answer. Although it may be difficult, you can take care of yourself. If you plan to stay in CA, it may mean adjusting your lifestyle or location choice. If the two of you can't work it out through counseling, sell the house, split the proceeds, and walk away.
13. Really? All I usually see is divorce advice. They say not to come between what God has brought together, but when you cheat like your soon to be ex has, you have a moral right to get out and make him pay for it. All of Californis isn't that high priced, maybe find a place where it isn't closeby.
14. Get a lawyer.