War on Divorce - Husband considering divorce. Any advice PLEASE???!!!?

Husband considering divorce. Any advice PLEASE???!!!?

We've been married for almost 6 years and have one 2 year old daughter. I'll admit our first year was more than rocky. Getting used to each other was tough because we had never lived together. The last couple of years have been the best of my life. My husband is a successful business owner, we moved into a brand new home and I am a stay at home mom to our baby. I've been happy...extremely happy. After an argument over something very petty yesterday he decided to say that he may not want to be married anymore. He said he's not sure. He wants to go to counseling. I am devastated. This came as a huge shock to me. How do I go through each wondering if today he'll decide to end things? I feel like I'm in limbo and that I can barely function because I don't know if I have a marriage or not. He said I need to relax and we will work through it. How can I relax if our marriage is potentially ending? I called a lawyer for advice but I don't even believe in divorce. I love him.

Public Comments

go to counselling!!!!!!!!
WOW.... GO TO COUNCELLING. It sounds like he is willing to try and work things out. You need to let him know that you NEED security. YOU need to know that things will work out and he is committed. Sometimes people say terrible things when they are mad and maybe this was the case here. He probably didnt mean it, but was really upset. You need to talk to someone about this together so that you can work things out. Good luck
Don't worry about a lawyer until he moves out, you may be jumping the gun there. I'd say give counseling a serious thought. He may have things he has been holding inside and not telling you that he really wants to address, but in the company of a professional. Just try and relax and seek out the counseling. Your child will be able to sense you are tense and it could end up affecting them.
he had an affair and they other might be preggers, so he is waiting to find out. If she is, say goodbye, if not all is well.
He said he wants to go to counseling, do it. At least he wants to try to work things out. Focus on that before you worry about talking to lawyers.
Go to counseling. Maybe he sees things that are wrong, while to you everything in peachy keen. If he is suggesting counseling then he is not giving up on your marriage and there is a huge chance everything will be okay. Don't rock the boat and keep asking him what is wrong. Find a therapist and schedule an appointment right now....the sooner you work on it, the sooner it will be right again. Good luck!
You need to sit down with him and ask why he feels the way he does
People rarely break up over one argument. It's very possible that he said he didn't want to be married in the heat of the moment, and that he doesn't really mean it. I think it's encouraging that your husband wants to go to counseling. You should go & talk this through. Take things slowly & see what happens. You both have 6 years invested and a child. Nothing will happen overnight. Make the appointment with the counselor and make another with the lawyer. It's doesn't hurt to be prepared.
Just hang in there, things like this take time, take it one day at a time, stay calm, and it will all work out. give him time to get over your fight,
I'm sure you feel paralyzed by your husband's comments. I think honesty works wonders. If he said all of this based on a petty argument, it sounds to me like he was just looking for an excuse to say what he may have been thinking about for some time. Tell him you will go to counselling, but only if he will open up to you and talk about what is really troubling him. Good luck. I hope you guys work it out.
Go to counseling since he suggested it anyway. Let him know the spot you are in with the therapist. Don't let a stupid comment in an angry moment ruin your marriage.
Do the counselling. Maybe he has issues that he cant talk to you about without guidance. I mean at least he wants to work on things. try not to think of each day as the day he will end it. Think of each day as the day you try harder and make it work.
He is willing to go to counseling. GO! He may not really be thinking about divorce, but may be the only way for you to see that he is not happy. Being a stay at home mom puts a lot of pressure on your husband that you might not be seeing. Take this as a time to get counseling, and work though this before it is too late.
silly you. Why did you call a lawyer and not a counselor? He said you will work through it, he said he wants counseling... and you call a lawyer??????? Make an appointment with a marriage therapist.
Sounds like he has something to hide he blew up right away at a first fight? Something else is going on he is picking at little things looking for a reason.
It sounds as if he may have over reacted to this petty fight. I see that you've been very happy but has he?? I think its a positive thing that hes asked for counseling rather then just saying its over. I would definalty go to a marriage counslor and perhaps try to rekindle the romance between the two of you. Get a babysitter for the baby and plan a romantic night with just the 2 of you. Have a heart to heart about what is important to the both of you. Do not just sit at home all day stewing and stressing over this and pounce on him when he walks through the door or you will just push him away. Good luck to you!!
Make the appoinment to couseling and do it fast. Keep in mind though that there are a lot of quacks out there. You have to find a good counselor. Take recommendations for counselors from people you know. Or if you go to church ask the preacher if he can assist you in a recommendation. I can not stress how important it is that you go to the right counselor. You don't want to be misled and loose your marriage over it. Best wishes.
Well it sounds like there is something deeper going on here. He is crazy to think you can relax at a time like this, however, you really have no choice. You can't worry yourself to death about this. If he is atleast willing to go to counseling, go ahead and go. Good Luck
listen men say things all the time out of anger he said to relax maybe it is way of saying I know I should not have said it counseling is not abad thing we did it we will be married 10 yrs on the 16th of may you have to focus on your daughter things will work out not to worry...
hang in there. if he really loves you he wont go anywhere. just go to counseling as he suggests. its a good sign he wants to go to counseling. did he just say he might not want to be married cause he was upset? did he really mean it? you need to ask him. my wife and i have never had a fight, we agreed to never fight and we havent. fighting is not worth it. so relax so you can work it through just like he said. if its meant to be it will work out. you cant force something to work if its not meant to.
You are over reacting to a stupid comment made in anger...of course he doesn't want to be married to anyone when he is mad...none of us does. But the anger passes, we say we're sorry, and move forward. I think you may be making a mountain of a mole hill. Forget the lawyer at this time...but it is strange to me that a lawyer would be the first you would call...especially when you say you had no idea! Hmmmmm something more is going on here than meets the eye. I think you BOTH need counceling...and remember, he who sees the councelor first has more sympathy from the councelor than he who sees last. !! Councelors are human too.
power play. he wants you to feel insecure. I am a stay at home mom too and have been for the last 8 years. You do love him thats clearly oblivious in how you wrote your question. I wouldn't relax, but become more self involved and act like you could care less if he came home at 7pm instead of 4pm. Show him that not only are you a wife and a mother but you are your own person, get involved in community projects that might take your time away from him. Its hard to stay home and in that time you lose so much of yourself because all you do is give it to your family. If you get anything out of my answer plz get this don't lose yourself and stay strong
Who started this trivial argument? If it was him, he already has something on the side. At 6 years of marriage you are coming up on that proverbial 7 year itch. Every man I have ever ask about it has said that around that time they started to wonder if the grass was greener some place else. some follow through, some don't. My best suggestion to you is start paying closer attention to your appearance, hair make up, dress, weight etc. This is not to entice him to stay but to get you in shape in case you have to start playing the field. believe me, when he sees you looking good and being self confident, he will do a reassessment of his agenda. As for plan B, make sure that is a good lawyer you are talking too. Best of luck. Remember, you are a good person.
I've been in his shoes. You said" I've been happy...extremely happy", and "This came as a huge shock". Could it be that you have not been concerned with his feelings? Maybe a little self absorbed? The argument was about something petty but this isn't about anything petty, it just came out then. Many things can build up to this so it's hard to know without talking with you both. He may feel like he's nothing more to you than a bank account. What's your role in this? What do you do for him? Is there reciprocity in the relationship? He's willing and desires counseling. GO!
Go to counseling and see if you can work through the problems. If he still doesn't want to stay married then you have no choice but to let go. It will be hard almost like a death but if that is how the cards are dealt to you then you really don't have a choice. Get yourself a good lawyer and make sure you and your daughter are taken care off and plan a new life for yourself.
You want it to last, do as he asked. Seek counseling, relax and take each day one at a time. He obviously still cares,but has some issues. Now, just be patient and help him work through them.
Communication is everything. Counseling is necessary when two people are unable to communicate with each other. Is this the case? Do you openly discuss issues with him.....does he with you? Do you try to hide things from him in hopes that if he is not aware of things...he won't be upset with you? How can you be so happy and not have a clue as to how he feels? Perhaps he withholds his feelings from you. A lot of men are still hung up on not revealing their "feelings". There could be another possibility though.....he may have cheated on you or found someone else. He may be looking for a way out of the marriage without revealing that to you. Only you know how much trust you have in each other. My advise to you is to find a baby sitter for your two year old and you and your husband get some quiet time together. Begin the conversation knowing that resolving your differences begins with honesty, compassion and remembering the reason you first fell in love. Talk to him with a commitment that the truth must be told and that no matter what that truth is...neither one of you will allow anger or any other negative emotion interfere with your communicating. A counselor may be useful, but only if you "can't" open up to each other on your own and only if you "still" love each other. When it comes to marriage, that's all that really matters in the end.
If your husband wants out, there is not much you can do to change his mind. And I would not recommend doing anything to degrade yourself in order to keep him longer. Since he is successful and you are a stay at home mom, things may remain to the style you are accustomed to. Going to a therapist is a wonderful idea and may help you both work through issues to where you can continue on with your marriage. There is some hope.
Go to counseling! There is a LOT more going on with your husband than he is letting on. He wants to go to counseling to talk it out. Be prepared to hear some things you won't like and may not understand. There sounds like there has been a serious lack of communication in your marriage and its time to start.
You need to calmly look at things and DO NOT run off to a divorce lawyer. You and your husband had an argument, he said something hurtful. The important thing that he said was that he wanted to work on the marriage by going to counseling. That does not mean that he stopped loving you -- because if he did he would have just walked out on you, no argument, no couseling, just gone. You need to go with him to counseling and make a real effort in order to have the counseling work. While you may have been happy being at home, your husband may have been under tremendous pressures with his work. It is not easy to be a business owner in today's economy. He may be at a point where he needs more from you than being a 'stay at home mom', like being a partner. He may have hesitated to talk to you about his needs because of things like you not being able to function when just thinking about divorce. As a business owner myself, the absolute last thing I want to come home to when I have problems at work is a spouse who is do dependant on me that I cannot vent without hurting feelings. As for wondering if he will decide to end things, that is the potential for every marriage. It is the chance we take when we marry. Stay away from the divorce lawyers, their job is to get you a divorce, not to keep your marriage together. The counselor will help you keep your marriage together, go with your husband, work with the counselor -- it will help.
Calling a lawyer is the wrong move - work on your marriage with your husband FIRST...your first call should have been to a counselor as he suggested. You only call a lawyer when you are ready to end things. Work on your marriage and take your husbands advice RELAX!!!
If your husband is the one you suggest counseling and is willing to go you have a 95% chance of working things out. Most men would not even entertain the thought of counseling. I would not stress as I feel if he is willing to work on things he is not looking to just give up and leave.
I think counseling could be a big help. It could be that there are other things going on in his life that you are not aware of or he could be using divorce as a power play because of the argument. IMO....this happened after a petty argument and sounds like a power play. It also sounds as if you are in a pretty vulnerable position with all the new changes and your daughter. You are off balance right now, wondering and worrying and he knows this. He may let this continue because it gives him control. Does he mean that "you" will work it through when you have to agree with him during arguments? or is this with the help of a therapist? I'd say that you should consult an attorney to discuss custody and property issues in case of a divorce so that you are well informed of your rights. Find a marriage counselor, and start therapy and find out what these issues are and go from there and see if the marriage will survive.
Okay, take a deep breath. You've been knocked of your horse, but you don't have to stay down. I think you should grab hold of his suggestion to go to marriage counseling. And in counseling you need to make it clear how blind sided you were by all of this. Have him tell you what's going on here. I don't want to plant things in your mind, but it could be that he's noticing other women with whom he either works or sees through work. He may be having second thoughts because he's tempted. Don't let him wimp out on his vows. Hold him to the counseling idea and have an objective third person help you iron out the real problems (not my imaginary ones). Don't give up just yet. You may have made the wrong call. Instead of calling a lawyer you should have called a marriage counselor. Don't live in limbo, get active and start the therapy ball rolling. Best of luck to you!!