War on Divorce

My wife blames me for her cheating ways - says its all my fault - is this true?

Hi everyeone. Let me explain: My EX wanted to go to the bar 2 or 3 times per week. I said Ok, life's short, enjoy it, too bad I'm so overloaded with work, I'd love to come with you also. She told me that I should date other women. I said NO! She said it was ok with her if I had sex once with a lady but not to keep seeing her or it would be a relationship. I said I wasn't interested, but said "likewise" and gave her a box of condoms just in case she got hit on, I didn't want to catch anything. And not to get into a relationship with any guy or it would be over between her and me. Then I found out that she had been in a relationship (with sex) for over a year, and I demanded she stop seeing him or I'd bust his arms. She demanded a divorce. I filed for divorce and now she says its all my fault for giving her the go-ahead. I never did. I clearly explained that I loved her and I did not want her to miss all the good things in life. But no relationships! Was it my fault that she strayed?

Public Comments

1. No its her own fault! Your a great guy and she messed up BIG time.
2. It's both your faults and you both need to move on. Apparently you two aren't ready for a committed relationship (with anyone)
3. Let's see, you don't go places with her, you give her condoms so she can have sex with other people. Actions speak louder than words. Yes and no. She shouldn't have done it, but you weren't exactly doing what you should have either. When someone tells you they need your attention (without actually saying it) you'd better pay attention. Counseling could help if you guys really want to fix it.
4. No. Be glad that you are divorcing. In the future, marriage lasts when partners are faithful. Remember that and your next marriage will have a chance of surviving.
5. but you gave her a box of condoms...
6. who the hell cares whose fault it is you both seem quite messed up
7. If she cheated than No its not your fault.she is the one who went and had sex with someone esles you didnt chosse that for her.
8. She is YOUR wife. Missing out on the good things in life? You should have been the good thing in her life. If you guys weren't ready for commitment, you shouldn't have gotten married!
9. It's not your fault that she strayed, but you shouldn't have put up with it - you can't blame her because you condoned it. You may not have told her to do it, but you certainly never told her not to.
10. NO...you did tell her she could screw around on you and even gave her condoms...that did not help your relationship...but SHE is the one who chose to see someone else You might have contributed also by not making time for her but again...in the end it was her choice to be faithful to you or to be with someone else She could have told you her needs so you could try to fulfill them...who knows what all went on between you...but you get the point be cool...
11. Sorry, though things may not be perfect in your marriage, this does not give the person a license to go and cheat. You on the other hand need to make sure that your work does not consume you to the point your wife is looking for other means for an relationship by going to bars to find one. Marriage is a very difficult union and balance, and unfortunately men as well as women will stray outside the marriage if they are not given adequate love and attention. Does that answer your question, probably not. But you can see that s h i t does happen like this if the other person feels ignored and not desirable. As for giving her the keys to the car to drive it, yeh, you did that giving her condoms in case she was hit on. Very stupid on your part.
12. no, but neither one of you really need to be married,,,, giving each other permission to be with others sexually, but not relationship, is just odd,,,,,,, as we all know often relationships develop from sexual encounters,,,,,, you either have to give people freedom, to do as they wish, with no restrictions, or expect fidelity from them,,,,,,,, so i feel you both were wrong and naive,,,,,,,, but still, you didnt cause her to do what she did,,,, your giving her permission didnt cause her to do it,,,,,, she choose to
13. you should of said NO.... a marriage is a committment between the 2 of you, when u have sex with someone else knowingly and notknowingly it breaks that covenant..so in the way it is ur fault... no man would give his wife a box of condoms... even though u didnt do it.. u did give her the permission... and now ur paying for it.... have u ever heard that song...Fooled around and fell in love.... welllll she sure did.... sorry.... take care ok..
14. you never should have bought her the condoms that was like saying go ahead and do it. if you didnt want her to you shouldve told her so so yes it is your fault but she shouldnt have brought it up in the first place. you are better off getting divorced and moving on to someone who wants to be in a monogamous relationship like you do. i know its easier said than done to just move on, but what other choice do you have?
15. I think both of you are fault, more her than you. It seems like she gave you the okay to do whatever because she wanted to do whatever and not have any consequences behind it. If he's doing it, then I can do it too ... in peace. That's what it sounds like to me. A marriage is something between two people, and other people should not be brought in the middle of it. Whether you are just having casual sex with another person or in a "so called" relationship with another person, it is all a form of infedelity. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. It's either you are going to be faithful or you're not, period. You should have never agreed to her proposition. She should have never proposed that to you. If you aren't ready to settle down with one person then don't get married. Marriage is not a joke and should not be taken lightly.
16. Screwing other people other than your spouses it NOT a good thing. Marriage is about commitment to each other. Sounds like neither one of you should be married. Who's as fault? Both of you.
17. Well, you did specify that it was to be no more than once with any guy, but don't you think that's a little messed up as well? What's the point of marriage if you're not faithful to one another? Too many people these days sicken the sanctity of marriage by changing what it stands for... So, no, I don't feel that you're responsible for what she did, but what little "breathing room" you did give her was equally as terrible... It sounds like you gave her that freedom only to prevent yourself from losing her, but you have to ask yourself if you really want to be with someone who doesn't feel you're enough! I hope, for your sake, you choose your next wife with a little more care to yourself...
18. Absolutely not. Though I do not agree with your previous said arrangement, you made no mention of allowing her to date other men for any length of time other than for meaningless sex. The mistake was missing the signals or ignoring them without trying counseling to work through them, unless you did try counseling. If that's the case, then never mind. But, no. You are not responsible for anything she did. Even if you were a totally terrible ogre of a husband, cheating is still wrong. There are more appropriate choices than running away or running into someone else's arms. However, in a relationship, there is never one person totally wrong.
19. she is rationalizing...she wanted you to say that it was ok, that is why she proposed the idea to you first, to cover her guilty conscience...it is DEFINITELY not your fault...you were tricked...good thing you are divorcing this conniving hooch.
20. don't ever think that it was your fault.It's easy for her to burden you with guilt feelings or by the way things are you are a very good person and maybe the fact that you let her have her way with over the limit doings,in her eyes you seemed to soft and easily to manipulate. nothing is your fault except that maybe if you were different and stood your ground and showed her more strictness on your part maybe she could have thought twice to do what she did. you need more respect and learn to be more assertive ,that means that if you set rules for both of you equally . maybe you find someone who really loves you and treats you as you really are
21. seems like when she told you it was ok for you to have sex with a lady, she simply wanted a reaction from you, to show that you care for her.. she wanted you to tell her you're not ok with it.. and by giving her a box of condoms, you really showed her how much you cared huh.. maybe that was why she strayed.. but i have to say it's not entirely your fault.. it takes both hands to clap.. and she blaming you for her cheating ways, its just not right..
22. it's both your faults. only a hoe desires more than one man at a time and acts on it. and how could you give permission for another man to be intimate with your wife?! did you really love her? wow...mind blowing! what you fail to understand is women are emotional while men are physical. a man can have sex with millions of women and it's all about him getting off. a women is looking to be emotionally fulfilled, so it was only a matter of time that she fell for the guy she was messing with although her initial intentions was to have casual sex with no strings attached. both of your are crazy as hell.
23. No way! Don't feel like that. It's a common experience in marriages. Maybe you loved her but she just wasnt ready yet.
24. The situation is indeed trcky that she got you into but its her wishes that led to that. Don't blame yourself for that. You were just being nice and reciprocated her conduct (being nice). I remember a story, Once there was a camel and he became friendly with a lion. Lion being the king had his coterie too - consisting of a crow, a fox and a jackal. All wanted to have camel for lunch but were afraid of the king. Once there was a famine and whole jungle was devoid of animals. Lion's coterie planned between themselves and next day when lion was hungry the crow said, " O great king have me for lunch. I may be small but I will be happy to sacrifice my life for you." Others also offered themselves and were refused promptly by the other members. Now, all the eyes were on the camel and being nice and loyal to the king he also offered himself. As soon as he offered, lion coterie jumped over him and by the time the lion could understand he was killed and presented for lunch. What lion did with them doesn't matter but what they pleaded with him was the same that he himself had offered to be eaten in the hour of crisis. Tell this story to wife and ask her what did the coterie deserve? To be pardoned or to be taken for lunch the next time.
25. Not your fault. Cheating is cheating. That said, you did give her condoms....
26. Pal, you DID. Did you expect she was gonna use the condoms for balloon party favors? Sure, you told her they were just for one night stands- but that was silly and unrealistic. Soooooo, now you know why sending a wife to the bar with rubbers isn't a great idea. I hope all the work you've been overloaded with was worth it. I doubt you can fix this marriage. I feel sad for both of you.
27. You seem like a generous guy, so keep giving her $2,000 a month and maybe even $3.000. I think this divorce is really going to cost you, but it's definitely time to file.