War on Divorce

What is a good friend?

A good friend of mine that I've known for over 20 yrs is currently engaging in an extra-marital affair. I recently found out that she has been telling her husband that she's with me when she is actually with the guy she's cheating with. Her husband has no idea that she is cheating... but what he does know because what my friend has been telling him that she's always with me and now he hates me (I'm newly single and going through a divorce) he feels that I'm influencing her when actually I have had no part in what she's been up to! She won't tell him the truth... so now I'm the bad guy and can't even call or come over to her house anymore because he thinks that I'm pulling her away from the the family when it because she's been cheating on him for over a year. Way before my divorce. Would a good friend really do this? If she was truly my friend would she tell her husband that she was with me on a consistent basis when she is not of which has made me look bad? Should I bust her out?

Public Comments

1. Wow, I feel your pain. But I have to ask, have you told your friend how you feel first? She's been your friend for over 20 years. Tell her how this is all making you feel. Tell her you hate it and won't stand for it anymore. I would tell her your intentions to talk to her husband if she keeps using you as her excuse. But don't go to him before you've spoken to your friend. She might assume that as her friend you are willing to be there for her in all capacities. You need to explain to her that this has to be an exception and why. She probably has no clue how this is making you look because she is concerned with the affair. You need to shake her up a little bit and explain that no man is worth coming between a 20 year old friendship. She needs to stop and take a look at how she is treating you, her husband and even the other man. I'm sorry you are having to endure this. But please.......go talk to your friend......and soon!
2. If she's aware of what you've been goin through and does nothing about it, then she's not your friend. If she stops cheating after she realizes your situation, then she's a good friend. It also depends on what's more important to her, your friendship or her marriage. Rest assured that if she does love her marriage more than your friendship, she'll do anything to protect her marriage, even if it means ruining your 20 yr friendship. My advice, don't say a word to her husband. You may be in a messed up situation right now, yet the important thing is that you keep your distance; coz afterall, it's not your problem.
3. I'm not a doctor,but I'll give you my friendly advice.If she is your friend forgive.The next time you talk to her tell her how you feel.Tell her that you understand that you,and her is best-friends,and you thank her for being honest with you.Thank her for trusting you with her inter guilt,But you are unable to handle it because you like her husband aswhile,And you don't want her husband to lose respect for you when everything comes out.Believe me What's in the dark will come to the light.You don't have to go to him and tell him anything,enless you are ready to lose your friendship of 20yr.I know that you are in a hard place,and your personal feelings are involved,but pray for yourself,,,and your friend everything will be Okay.not go away but be okay.