War on Divorce

What is your opinion on the effects of divorce on children?

I'm doing a research paper and I could use your answers as evidence. Please answer honestly. Also, tell me why you think the way you do...if you went through a divorce, if your a teacher, or a therapist, etc. Thank you!

Public Comments

1. I am an MSW. Some of the effects I have seen in children whose parents had divorced are: separation anxiety issues, low self esteem, a need for attention at all times. If this issue is not handled correctly the child also could develop some opossitonal defiant disorder and the issues with autism could be exacerbated. But if the divorce didnt have violent features and the way parents handled was a low conflict divorce and were always explaining to child the reasons and were open to the child feelings I do not see any reason for any child to develop anything besides a mild adjustment disorder at the most. The more improtant parents that have been in the same page regarding discipline after divorce are the ones with children more stable.
2. Well, to be quite honest, it was the best thing my parents have ever done for me. From the time I was born until they got divorced at age 7, I watched them fight each other. Blood battles, really. Dad fist fighting mom- Mom yelling cuss words, *birds* flying. Not fun stuff. Not only that, but I'd "get in the way" and be swept up into the abuse. The mental, physical and emotional abuse that I experienced in my first 7 years of life scarred me for the next 13 years. I went through counseling, because I had a hard time trusting men- I honestly thought they'd all end up beating me. (As several did). Thankfully, I had my grandmother to take care of me from 7-18, and that was the best thing anyone has ever done. But that emotional and physical abuse sustained in childhood from a bad marriage is worse- far-far worse than anything divorce could do. If couples were to divorce before such violence cropped up, and talked to their children about why it was happening (talked to them in a civilized, kindly manor) the children would be upset- but take it far better.
3. I went through a divorce about 5 years ago. At that time my kids were very young, 6,5, and 2. In the mist of this seperation, we also moved away from their father---he was addicted to meth. But their new school and family was very supportive. They still had a tough time, but children understand more than you know. I have seen children who ended up having a major hard time, and I seen kids have it good. It's been 5 years and my kids are fine. They were mad at the beginning but they get over it. If you want more information for your paper, call the county social workers and let them know what your doing. They are usually very happy to help with what they know as well.
4. The effects of divorce upon the children involved tend to vary from case to case. And each case is as individual as the children themselves are. On one hand you have the case of Divorce where the kids have no idea anything is wrong until Dad moves out. That's the type of divorce that traumatizes children to no end. Their little lives are wrecked, they can move on with the correct help and support from their parent. But in the majority of these cases the parents are so involved with the details of who gets what and making sure the divorce is settle fairly that the kids get put on the back burner to fend for themselves emotionally and physically. These are the kids that grow up hateful and dispise the world in general. Then there are the types of Divorces that are caused by abuse, the father or mother is abusive to the children or the spouse and when the victim in the relationship decides enough is enough and get's themselves and the children away from the abuser the children tend to be relieved and alot of stress is removed from their day to day lives. But in an ironic way these kids have a hard time adjusting to life without abuse. They're family dynamic has dissolved and they are left not knowing how to act. It takes time to readjust to their new lifestyle and chances are the abuser is going to fight the divorce because they didn't see anything wrong in the marriage in the first place. Plus unless you can prove with out a shadow of a doubt that abuse towards the children they will probably have to go visit with the abuser once every week or two. This makes the healing process alot harder and longer. But these children have a hope of leading very normal lives. The last kind of Divorce is the Nice Divorce. This is where the parents realize that even though they love each other and their children things just aren't working out, maybe due to an infidenlity, or they just grew apart. These divorces are handled gracefully and with respect to everyone's feelings including those of the children. There is no fighting about the house or the cars or the bank account. the children are sat down and told what is happening long before it happens so it's not a surprisingly painful blow when Dad moves out. They need some adjustments but the parents are supportive and understanding and they work TOGETHER for the sake of the children they created together. This is the ultimate Divorce. Over all children are adaptable creatures and can adjust to their surroundings better than we give them credit for. But Divorce is something that tears apart their family unity and in this crazy world we live in the one place that should be stable (home) sometimes isn't and that can be very scary for anyone escpecially a child. Sometimes Divorce is inevitable, it's necessary in some situations and it isn't a walk in the park for any of the involved parties but it's particularly hard for the children. Divorce shouldn't be thought of casually it should be prayed about, they should recieve counseling, anything but divorce. But if it does happen the number one priority should be the children's well being. I have never experienced divorce 1st hand but I have had many childhood friends go through it, I also majored in child psychology.